Walking along the edge of those wooden steps. Teetering back and forth on the guardless death traps I secretly hoped would take me. Arms spread wide like an airplane ready to take flight.
I wasn't your average case of "lost without a cause". Still concerned with my image on the 6 o'clock evening news. "Young girl's reamains found splattered across the pavement behind her highschool." No. A classier death would provide the proper escape. Now you see me, now you don't.
I considered killing myself aritsically. Putting on my prettiest dress or romper and taking a fist full of pills. Laying myself out in the middle of ECP. I dreamt of a dramatic suicide. Noose draped hastily around my neck with a goodbye letter tacked ironically to my "Bonjour" shirt just out of extra spite.
It was actually quite amusing until I rememebered the reason the thoughts had polluted my mind in the first place. Would I be missed? I hoped. Was I loved? I knew. I would be cried over and talked about fora couple of weeks maybe even months but like all lost things I would be forgotten. Thoughts of me would be put away and I would be replaced.
You said you loved me, and I believed you, I did. I could see it in your eyes and hear it in your voice. Kissed my cheek and said goodbye. Spoke it once more to make sure I hadn't forgotten. Yes, I believed you, but I love you isn't always enough.
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