No use. I've completely lost myself. and the person I was so confident in, so sure of, is now in a lifeless puddle at my feet.
Similar to a butterfly coming out of it's cocoon but I've been put in a time warp and have emerged as a larva. A helpless, tiny thing that can barely convince herself to get out of bed in the morning.
That's the girl I've become. Disgusting. And just glancing at myself brings the bitter taste of bile to my throat. Because this girl is a stranger. I am not her.
I am not weak. Pathetic. Worthless. Am I? I convinced myself that I wasn't at least. But you can convince yourself of anything if you're willing to commit.
And I was. Am. Because I'm still talking about how this is not me. About how this is all wrong and I'm scratching and clawing desperately at my puddle of skin trying to paste it back on.
But it's wrinkly. Stretched. Worn out. And it just doesn't fit right anymore. So I'm stuck naked. Forcing me to deal with this scared, grotesque, flaw covered girl before me. The unwanted freak that everyone likes but no one loves.
Yes. That's who I am. It may not be great but at least I know who I've been all along. So I try on this new outfit, and it seems to fit me perfectly.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
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:[ Danielle this is so sad [and if it's referring to you very untrue because I happen to love you a lot] but it's very descriptive. I love your comparisons.
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